my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
