wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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