whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize