just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
