WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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