I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
