Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
