My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
