9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
