i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
