two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
