Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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