He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Randomize
