Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
