Im at strip club and am horny
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize