Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
