I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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