He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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