Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Of course I have a pirate flag
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
