The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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