she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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