we have officially lost it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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