I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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