I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
