Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
