I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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