What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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