can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
