he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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