mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Randomize
