Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
