like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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