I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
