Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
