Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
