You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
