Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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