He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
