There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have tasted many bathrooms
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
