he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
