I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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