We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
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