He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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