I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
