new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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