I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize