If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
