don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
