Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
