Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
