Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
