I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
