she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
These tits shall not be calmed
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
