Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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