i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
