She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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