I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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