Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
