Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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