Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
