We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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