i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
