This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her vagine was all disorganized.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
