new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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