i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
