is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
