my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You peed on a flamingo?!?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
