If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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