Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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