you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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