you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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