We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
