Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
