Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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