I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
