well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
