Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Blood and glitter go together right?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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