dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize