My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
