apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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