You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I need a beard to bite.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
