i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
