oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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