he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
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