What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
soo... how was my night?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
