I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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