I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
