thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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