I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We need to get me chipped asap
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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