You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize