I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
