So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
