Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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